Saturday, February 23, 2008

Suppose You Want Pictures Now, Huh? (See Below)

Near the end of a 100-mile bike ride to the Wyoming state border and back Saturday, Howard and Deadhead were waiting at an intersection when a Jeep drove by and someone yelled something.

"What'd they say?" Howard asked.

"I believe it was 'Nice Ass'..
. and it was a dude!" Deadhead replied.

Howard was speechless, so Deadhead said, "I think you should blog about it,"
referring to a previous similar 'verbal assault' that Howard blogged about.

"Yeah, I will blog about it," Howard answered, "but only because I think he was talking about YOUR ass!"

"Hmmm, you may be right since my ass is nicer than yours."

"In your dreams." Howard said.

Calm down. There will be no pictures. There will be no Ass-Off.

Update: After unrelenting pressure from The Fans, there will indeed be an Ass-Off. In the photo below, Howard, Deadhead, and all the other Northern Hypoxians are displaying their finest assets -- the ability to spell in the service of conservation. To settle this once and for all, go to comments and vote for your favorite Hypoxian (by letter or article). Just remember: If you don't vote, the terrorists win.


Anonymous Slow Moe said...

Oh man, FUNNY story!!!
The referenced story (myopic teen girl mistakes Howard's ass for a cinnabun, Howard mistakes subsequent drooling for teen lust) reminds me of an experience I had while on a business trip in Raleigh, NC a few years back. One of the guys I was working with was kind enough to pick me up at my motel (in his really nice corvette) and take me out for dinner & a few beers. On the way back to the motel, we pull up to a red light and seconds later a cutie (possibly 20 yrs old and approximately 90,000 Megadegrees hotter than Deadhead's ass) rolls up next to us, looks over at me with the prettiest smile i ever saw, winks & says, "Hi!". North Carolinian foreplay --- COOL! I turn and look at my buddy just before launching myself thru the opened window and into her lap, and he said,"Calm down, dude. That's my daughter."

4:34 PM, February 25, 2008  
Anonymous Sonarman said...

Yeah, well, just y'all remember the scene with Judge Reinhold and the blone at the traffic light in "Fast Times at Ridgement High"........

6:01 PM, February 25, 2008  
Anonymous Slow_Moe said...

hmmm ... only things I remember from that film were Spicoli at the morgue ("GNARRRRRLY!!!"), Spicoli's helpful driving tips ("People on 'Ludes should NOT drive!"), and Phoebe Cates' tits.
So remind me about the blonde at the light, sonarman...

7:07 PM, February 25, 2008  
Blogger Kent & Bobbie said...

OMG! It is Broke Back Howard... Hahahaahahahahah... The Panz will have a field day with this one...


7:38 PM, February 25, 2008  
Anonymous Pansy Palmetto said...

Door slams open. PPPfffffttttt! *koff* Geezuss! Which one of you asses let that one loose?

Pansy has been busy kicking around some lame asses...(checks calendar)...well! Lookee here! What a koinkydink! She's been kicking none other than Howard's AND Deadhead's asses. Howard's ass kicking was a direct hit from 1600 miles out. What a butthead! He "shared" some information with Pansy and she landed right on his whiney soft ass, both boots loaded with spurs and a claw hammer in each hand. He's such an easy ass. And then he merely TOLD Deadhead the butt whooping story and down Deadhead went, like a frightened whippet. Whip it? Haw! In your dreams, Deadhead.

Last words Pansy heard from Howard were: please leave me alone (in tiny, tiny font). Last words Pansy heard from Deadhead were: "in awe of the evil genius of Pansy!"

Oh, and the "teenage girl" and the "dude"? They weren't yelling "nice ass". They were trying to warn you: "Pansy's gonna ice your ass!" We all understand your confusion though. It is difficult to hear clearly when your heads are up your.......(cue music)....

Wait a minute! This ain't no stoopid Oscars ceremony. You can't move Pansy offstage with orchestra music. OK, I'll go. But the rest of you feel free to ask Howard/Deadhead "How's your sorry ass these days?"

Would someone puhleeze get an air freshener in here?

9:51 AM, February 26, 2008  
Anonymous Pansy Palmetto said...

Pansy wishes to apologize for any perceived insensitivity in her prior comments.

To wit, when she said Deadhead went down after Howard told him the butt whooping story...Pansy did not and currently does not wish for anyone to extrapolate from her comments that any kind of "sex act" occurred between Deadhead and Howard. If you have NOW extrapolated such an innuendo that is your problem.

OK, Howard, I hear you squirming. I'll lay off. [Pansy does not mean to imply any sexual innuendo with her usage herein of the word "lay". "Squirming"? Well, again people, that's between you and your conscience.]

No, there is NOT a word limit for comments. First with the phony music and now this "word limit rule". Stop lying to Pansy.

10:06 AM, February 26, 2008  
Anonymous Pansy Palmetto said...

OH, and be sure to ask Pansy to show you some "ass photos" she just happens to have. hahahahahhahahahaha!

Now that is really IT, Pansy. You have completely gone over the line.

I have? SCORE!!!!! Mission accomplished. Etc.

Ok, the ass photos are just Pansy Family Ass photos. Which are WAY more nice than any hideous Howard/Deadhead ass photos.

10:16 AM, February 26, 2008  
Anonymous Sonarman said...


Judge Reinhold ("Brad") is in his pirate costume, making a delivery of fast food, stopped at a traffic light. His manager forced him to wear the costume for the delivery, admondishing him, "Show some pride!"

So he's in his car, stopped at the traffic light, and a smashing blonde pulls up next to him and starts flirting. Or so he thinks, and flirts back, until he catches a glimpse of himself in the mirror and realizes that she's laughing at him in the stupid pirate costume, not flirting.

Humiliated, he promptly chucks both the food and the costume out the window and quits.

10:39 AM, February 26, 2008  
Blogger Howard said...

That's how Howard feels after a triple-barreled PansyPost to his blog...

10:57 AM, February 26, 2008  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Are those REALLY the Hypoxians ?

If so, my sister better not be showing her butt !

8:18 AM, February 27, 2008  
Blogger Howard said...

Why don't you just do what I'm doing? -- Vote for her!

9:53 AM, February 27, 2008  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am NOT in that picture.

Your sister

And don't get any photo op ideas for Reunion 08, Howard. We're NOT standing in the Big Thompson River and holding up letters that spell "Pansy and Howard Made Us Do It But Now That We're Doing It, It Feels Pretty Good." (Okay, we'd need a lot more letters but that was all I could think of on the spur of the moment.)

10:06 AM, February 27, 2008  
Blogger Howard said...

Hmmmm, ReUnion08... hmmmm.....

Maybe we could get a thing set up where everyone drops their drawers on the count of three and moons the camera, but then the fix would be in, and the only one dropping trou would be Pansy... click... yeah...

Except that I just gave it away. Drat! Have to come up with something else even better.

12:18 AM, February 28, 2008  

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