Thursday, April 13, 2006

What's Your Superpower?

Everyone has superpowers. Yes, it's true. However, while possessing the abilities to self-immolate or fly through the air or even fly an invisible jet are exceedingly rare, most of the superpowers that the rest of us have are totally inconsequential.

Some can beat eggs and measure flour with absolute molecular precision. Some have an uncanny ability to anticipate the stupidity of other drivers and pedestrians and cyclists. And some can look at a dog and know that it has to go pee. That's a nice superpower to have.

My best girl, who is quite gifted, has two superpowers: 1) The ability to instantly recognize and solve problems within the fast-food industry, and; 2) The uncanny ability to sense the lurking yet unseen presence of cop cars up to no good. Perhaps both superpowers would never receive proper respect from the general public because most of us think we possess them. But this is sooo not true. If is was, then the fast-food industry would be nearly flawless in its execution -- which we all know is not true. Plus, judging by the sheer numbers of participants in the traffic court industry, it's clear that nearly all drivers are clueless in the battle of wits with the law enforcement industry.

My best girl, on the other hand, has proven her worth by making many recent predictions regarding the means and methods that food service people would or should use in unique circumstances -- predictions proven to be spot-on. She also routinely senses the presence of cop cars, slows her own driving, and is rewarded seconds later with the scenery of armed officials in white Buicks nabbing scofflaws driving neighboring vehicles. But never hers.

Fortunately for us, her second superpower is not entirely inconsequential.

I used to think my superpower -- an anti-superpower really -- was the ability to predict the outcome of an election and be completely and utterly wrong. I don't think I've ever been right once. My family still hasn't forgiven me my 2004 Presidential Election miscue.

So in the same way that George Costanza finally learned to do the opposite of his natural inclination if he wanted to succeed, my superpower was also finally recognized and hailed as universally and predictably wrong.

However, my real and most useful superpower is the ability to recognize a brilliant architectural concept amidst scores of conceptual chaff. Some architects can churn out ideas by the boatload, but they are completely incapable of discerning which ideas have potential and which deserve quick death. So everything goes into their designs. I, on the other hand, must pound my head on my keyboard for hours on end, generating precisely one idea every six or seven pounds -- and that's if I'm lucky. After generating about twelve to fifteen ideas (which works out to about 90 head pounds on average), I'll finally come up with something good. And I, who now goes by the superhero name 'RKtect', know it instantly. And 'RKtect' is always exactly right. Genius can reside in the recognition as equally as in the generation.

That's a nice superpower for an architect to have. Although I sure wish it didn't have to hurt so much.

What is your superpower? And is it inconsequential or occasionally useful?


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have the ability to eat 3 chipotle burritos in one sitting, or a 4 pound steak without thinking twice. Yes, all my superpowers are gastromical!

1:30 PM, April 13, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I can procrastinate until the absolute last second before all hell breaks loose and anarchy ensues. It's like a sixth sense. I have also learned not to brag about it. Some people just don't understand and react with fear and loathing.

12:28 AM, April 15, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My anti-super power is the ability to choose the exact wrong time to go to the bathroom while a movie is playing. This bothered my ex-boyfriend so much that he left me (just kidding).

I've yet to discover my true super-power -- but I would sure like that one having to do with cop cars since I got a speeding ticket two weeks ago in a place I *know* is a speed trap.


8:04 AM, April 15, 2006  

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